When William began to toddle and we met his best buddy Harry in the park he always delighted in pushing his friends little blue pushchair around. At the time I accepted hubby didn't want William to have a pushchair but hadn't realised it was the beginning of much bigger issues.
For his second birthday Harry received a play kitchen. I observed the boys indulging in full on fantasy role play, baking us Mummies cakes, making us cups of tea and cooking our dinner. It was amazing. Their little imaginations were hard at work and for me it was the first time I'de witnessed such innocent play from William who usually is busy taking things apart and working out how to put them back together.
I love to cook. It's a life skill required by men and women so I see no reason why William shouldn't have his own little kitchen for his birthday next week. To say I was not prepared for hubby's reaction is an understatement. He totally doesn't get it. He has never been chauvinistic. In fact he's quite the opposite. He's a hands on Daddy and husband always willing to do more than his share of household chores, cooking and childcare, so I don't get why he has such strong views on boys toys. Does he really think William will start listening to Shirley Bassy and want to strut around in my thongs if he has a plastic kitchen and a few bits of wooden fruit to play with?
I'm genuinely at a loss. My husbands father was very much a mans' man and raised his sons to be "proper men" until he passed away when my husband was 14 years old. I can only assume this has had some baring on my husbands need to distinguish between what is appropriate for boys and girls. I need to be sensitive to hubby's concerns whilst trying to make him see sense. I guess I could be wrong though, maybe it's me that needs to see sense?
Please share your advice before my poor son turns into a roughty toughty thug and I end up bashing my husband around the head with my brand new shiny saucepan.
Donna......x
my husband was very much the same...still is to a certain extent but do you know what I just ignore it! Sam had a kitchen & a buggy and now Jack is desperate for a buggy, he has taken to pushing big sisters doll around in the shopping trolley, husband was never happy but he just had to learn to live with it...I would've kept the ironing board instead of giving it to your sister to review had it not been for there being too many toys around already! After all it's Daddy that does the ironing in this house.....
ReplyDeleteHusband and I have talked it over and agreed it's not like you want to dress him in dresses or anything. At this age children are learning and role play is an important part of that. Cooking is for men and women so I say go get him a kitchen xxx
ReplyDeleteOh dear, obviously we have lots of girls toys here, and I don't mind if Z plays with the dolls. I'm sure once the novelty wore off William would be back taking things apart anyway! Could you make the point that there are girls toys to play with at nursery anyway?? xx
ReplyDeleteThanks, it's so hard but you're right I should just ignore it. Not make a big thing and leave him to deal with it. Men are from Mars and all that x
ReplyDeleteI accepted the buggy but a kitchen? he gives him bowls from the cupboards to play with so what's so different about buying plastic fruit? x
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't mind when he's out and about he just thinks we shouldn't further encourage it at home. He thinks boys should have bikes and tools etc... x
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great post and the topic isn't far off conversations that my Wife and I have had about our son [currently 10 months old]. When my son was 4 months old my Wife bought him a shopping basket set from Tesco, as he really enjoyed playing with his friends baskets who incidentally are all girls.
ReplyDeleteMy initial reaction was "why didn't you get him a tool box instead?", I said it in a joking tone but was half serious. The same as you my Wife didn't understand the problem as he enjoyed playing with it. To be honest I got over it very quickly once I saw him playing with it and have continued to by him similar toys.
Like your husband I consider my self a very hands on Dad and take on a lot of the house chores including cooking, cleaning and washing. However, my preference would be for my son to have more boyish toys than a mini washing machine or hoover.
I could not see myself being comfortable with my son pushing along a mini pushchair I think I would draw a line there. Again my Wife is not bothered by it and justified it by saying that when/ if we have a second child and my son sees me pushing around the buggy he may want to do the same to be like his Daddy. I honestly hadn't thought of that and it has changed my perspective on it slightly. If push came to shove and he HAD to have a pushchair I would insist he have a dinosaur in there rather than a baby doll - compromise is acceptable isn't it?
Good luck with resolving your differences!
Thank you so much, your comment really made me laugh. It's obviously a male female thing. I do get it from both sides, maybe I'll suggest the dinosaur to hubby! x
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to this as well. I bought my Son a pushchair and my Husband was horrified! He really enjoyed playing with one at his Playgroup so I thought I'd get him one, I even looked for a blue manly one! Every opportunity my Husband got he would fold it away and hide it. A lot of time has passed and my Son really is a typical boy, he's very into cars and football etc. However, he has made friends with a little boy who tells his Parents he wants to be a girl, he is 3. He wears Disney Princess dresses, plays with dolls and wears clips in his hair. My Husband is adamant that he doesn't want our Son playing with him. I do not mind him playing with girls toys at all but I have to admit I'm a little worried about his influence on my Son and whether his Parents lax attitude has encouraged this?
ReplyDeleteFantastic response and great to see it from a mans perspective. Laughing out loud at the inasour bit hee hee
ReplyDeleteI just have Mr 2. He adores the toy kitchen at playgroup and I'm planning on getting one. He is obsessed with cookers and cooking! I want him to be well rounded, to be able to cook a meal, and be able to fix a bike or put a shelf up. If I had a daughter I would be the same.
ReplyDeleteNot long ago Joseph grabbed a pushchair when we were at the park. The mother said "oh what a shame he can't have one of his own" I asked why that would be "oh he's a boy". Sorry, if he is lucky enough to be a dad, he's going to be out there pushing prams, changing nappies, etc.
I think in this day and age we should not even be having this discussion about gender stereotypes, and I'm sorry your husband has this attitude.
Oh I see the appeal with the blue buggy Harry has, Beastie loved it as you saw. My husband has said similar things and was most annoyed when he saw the nursery he goes to pushing Beastie round in a pink buggy! I think at this age it doesn't matter and certainly in our modern times, a kitchen is a must. These boys need to cook!
ReplyDeleteWhat would he do if say someone gave something as a gift? make you give it away? I reckon you need to get the odd thing here or there and he might start to see how much William benefits from it :-) xx
My boys are now 7 and 4 so very much into sniggering over 'girly'things and not going within a mile of them, however at 2 I bought myeldest son a blue buggy and the buggy did miles with us. T'husband was non too impressed claiming it was a girls toy and we shouldnt be encouraging him. I had to ask encouraging him to do what? My sons also had a play kitchen, something they both loved and if they had of asked for dolls, I would of happily bought them. Infact they both love their power rangers now and action men which is not too far removed from a doll anyhow. I dont get why most men think girls toys for boys are a problem and often see they get all soppy over their little girls expressing an interest in cars and all proud. Why?
ReplyDeleteHow about a compromise & get him a play BBQ instead? After all us women don't get a look in where any outdoor cuisine is involved, the BBQ is very much the man's domain! (& it won't take up quite so much room in the house!)
ReplyDeleteI have had the same conversations with DH, I did buy Boy a (blue) pushchair & he loved it, he used to push Buzz Lightyear around the supermarket in it. We also had a kitchen & a dolls house (that my stepson used to play with more than his sister!) which I have just passed down to my friends 3yo Boy - who loves it too. We also had a box of cars, dinosaurs, tool kit & duplo which were enjoyed as much.
We sell some great children's kitchens and some great role play toys here at www.bramblecorner.com or you can visit our bricks and mortar shop in Forest ROW...
ReplyDeletePersonally, I hate the division between 'gender' toys. My son has a dolls house, it creates more imagination than shoving cars down a track (he has that too). He had a buggy and a baby doll to go in the buggy, he used to be mad about it, now he's grown out of it. He is 3 and a half now, and he LOVES motorbikes, that's his thing, the bigger the faster the better. My OH has encouraged a bit but basically he found his own way. I think a variety of toys is best, encourages different role play, imagination, a rounded child, happy and confident in their own skin. Not avoiding particular toys because an adult says so and not really understanding why. Forget gender. As he gets older he will find his own preferences and in time peer pressure with create preferences for him.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I think men see what toys their children play with as a reflection of their own masculinity. It isn't it's just a toy, often a phase.
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